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So you think you're a wolf? Introductions

Interviewer:

Alright, so how did you introduce yourself on alt.lifestyle.furry?

Me:

There's this thing called "The Furvey" which used to have over 100 questions.

Interviewer:

Multiple choice?

Me:

Most of the questions are open ended - you can write as much as you like. Its a journey of self discovery, I took 3 weeks to complete mine before I posted it at the beginning of May '97. It lets everyone know about you, and gives them something to talk about.

Interviewer:

And then you went "Fur Crazy"?

Me:

You've been doing some research haven't you.

Yes I went fur crazy. I'd had a mini-craze when I first discovered the art, but nothing like this, alt.lifestyle.furry was everything. I couldn't get enough of it. I'd check DejaNews three times a day. I got to the point where I knew roughly when the database updates occurred. Then I'd go home and do the same. I got hooked on furry stories too - they were a lot more personal now. My furry side was becoming stronger at the same time, to the point that I could feel the prescence of the wolf all the time.

Interviewer:

How did you know it was a wolf?

Me:

By the way it feels, the way it reacts, its mannerisms ...

Interviewer:

It?

Me:

Yes, I still don't know the gender of my animal side. Initially I assumed it was male to match my human body. I have no reason to believe that assumption was true though.

Interviewer:

You were saying.

Me:

...wolf suits my behaviour too. I'm not visually "focused" like most humans, I'm not compelled to look at you when we are talking - infact I don't often make eye contact. I know that makes people uncomfortable, they think I'm "shifty" just because I'm alert and watching while I'm listening. Perhaps they get a tiny glimpse of the wild thing inside me. Lack of eye contact is also a submissive gesture by the wolf. If you don't know me, and I stare you straight in the eye, then its time to worry.

Interviewer:

Worry?

Me:

Yes, its the beginning of a dangerous game. The wolf will be close to the surface, and your looking into his eyes. I think Barry Lopez wrote about the moment when the wolf and its prey study each other, and said the wolf is asking "Are you ready to die today?". Of course, he'd be accused of anthropomorphising the animal's behaviour.

Interviewer:

Anthropomorphising?

Me:

In this context it means attributing human behaviour to animals. Perhaps "explaining animal behaviours in human terms" would be a better description.

Interviewer:

So is the wolf just a metaphor for your own behavioural problems? It seems to me that you've just grouped together a whole set of personality disorders and called them "wolf".

Me:

Even if that is all that it is (and I don't believe it is), it is a very powerful tool. I used to feel hopelessly inadequate in social situations with other people. I didn't do this right, I didn't do that right, its a real drain on your personal energy. I was literally less than everyone around me.

But by accepting the wolf is part of me, it changes the whole viewpoint. I am more than you, I have my animal side. And starting from there I have an amazing gift for communicating with humans. I can go on to increase and refine those skills, improve my abilities. Instead of climbing out of a pit, I'm already half way up the mountain! Do you see how powerful that makes me?

So what if it is just a trick of the light? Like this glass of water - is it half full or half empty?

Interviewer:

So you admit it might just be an elaborate coping mechanism?

Me:

No. Part of it might be explained like that, but your only scratching the surface of what being furry means to me. But even if this part is a delusion, I don't want to be cured. I don't want to be half empty again.

Interviewer:

Why did you stress "what being furry means to me"?

Me:

This is my view. I don't suppose another fur would agree with everything I say. Some feel very different. We are a close group, but we are not some kind of quasi-religion. No one tells us what to think. Just about the only generalization you can make about us is that we share an interest in animals that goes beyond stories, artwork, pet ownership, or biological study. I'd be sticking my neck out by saying that "we all like diversity".

I mean, while human kind are busy killing and torturing each other because of colour, creed or just for kicks, here we are: a bunch of individuals of very different species who respect and care for each other. We see beyond the surface details, and deep into the soul. Perhaps this is to do with the fact that our physical forms don't reflect what is inside of us. Perhaps the fact that we communicate by text messages where all body language is absent unless you write it has something to do with it.

Interviewer:

Hence you type stuff like "*hugs*" and "*snuggles*"?

Me:

Yes, its a way of showing affection, of giving comfort in a text only world. I'd say that on the whole we tend to be tactile people and more prone than most to hugging friends. In that virtual world our bodies are as we would wish them to be, expressing our animal persona on the outside be it fur, feathers, or scales. Can you imagine what it might be like to hug me? To feel the thick fur of my ruff? Perhaps you can get a feel for why we are on the whole such a "touchy feely" bunch.

But as I was trying to explain, we are a diverse group. There isn't any rule about having to like giving or receiving hugs. There are those of us who really don't like that invasion of their personal space, that kind of physical contact, and we respect that.

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